THEORY 1 - I haven't done any real post-cancer programs since it is hard to plan as "the "drop and leave" at any moment" has been the mind frame since Spring. We are all just plain "tuckered out"!!! Pragmatically Speaking told me to not be so hard on myself and to just realize that I am 7 months behind of where I thought I should be and just start my recovery when this is all over....a wise man....who raised him?!?!?! I am feeling it physically but poor Random Wisdom has been coping with the brunt of it and her life really on hold. She has held up really well but the last couple of weeks have been the most heartbreaking to watch. I just want to be able to fix this for her but we are all at the mercy of that retched visa interview letter.
THEORY 2 - I have no news to keep you up to date on...stuck in limbo...things are so mundane right now...I would be bored reading about my life....it's just been a whole lot of "hurry up & wait". I have finally come to that place where all the stress of the last several months (you gotta love US immigration...NOT!!!!) has come to a head...or in my life...hit the wall...then add the fact that I haven't really taking the time to recover from all my treatments...just hit the floor running. We have been in the wedding/immigration merry-go-round/tornado for months and it is safe to say we are all tired and are ready to get off...we are just exhausted....physically, emotionally, mentally & any other "ally" you can think of.
THEORY 3 - Self-doubt/second guessing/questioning (I think these are the biggest culprits actually) Now that all my treatments & all the whacky side-effects are done (more or less)....do I have anything to contribute of interest/help/insight/worth you spending your time reading???? Then it hit me....I still have the same thoughts, feelings, insights and humor.....the same person as always so just because my treatment is over the healing isn't and that may be just as vital for someone to hear....knowing they are dealing with the same recovery nonsense others are....cause you begin to think you are the only one going thru this since your "lifeline" aka....cancer center and all their focused care is done and you are left back in the "regular" medical world....it can be daunting trying to figure out which doctor to talk to about what stuff now...OYE!!!
This past weekend was our church's General Conference with 4 sessions of talks. You never know where or how the Lord will take a moment to speak to you and teach you...bolstering your spirit to enlighten your dim places. More often then not I go into the conference wknd not really looking for anything in particular but there is ALWAYS just the messages I need to hear...a miracle in my life for sure!!! I always come up with my list of "Epic Quotes" when it's all over...just some key insights that will trigger the memory of what I heard to tide me over for another 6 months and the next conference.
"Doubt your doubts not your faith",
Doesn't matter what book of scripture you read....just read",
"If you're not well you can't help others...do your "car maintenance" on yourself...check your fluid levels (spiritually, mentally and physically)",
"Be wise in the disposition of your own funds"
The Gospel of Jesus Christ, His words in the scriptures and the words of a living prophet are the greatest tender mercies and gift in my life. The knowledge that He lives and knows me is worth more to me then anything...I am truly blessed and ever thankful.
