And So it began

"ONCE UPON A TIME"....there came along this little lump...insignificant really when you compare it to the entire world of lumps. That is, right up to the point that it wasn't...insignificant I mean............... and so began my journey.

A NEWER SHADE OF I more then SURVIVE...I am learning to THRIVE...

OF COURSE... we all know things are bound to get a little crazy with a surprise around most every corner...not to mention an assortment of bumps and bruises along the way...but I am ever thankful for them all...they have all made me who I am. So buckle up, hold on tight and enjoy the ride thru what I lovingly refer to as LIFE

Sunday, November 25, 2012

A Friend...
- a person you know well and regard with affection and trust.
- a person whom one knows, likes, and who supports, sympathizes

     I haven't ever really given the word FRIEND much thought...I know I have them, I know who they are and that they are great and mean the world to me...end of story.  But until this journey began I had never really stopped and thought about what the word REALLY means and if I fit into my own ideas of what a friend should be.  I have to admit...the best definition for the kind of friends I cherish and rings the truest to me is the  "low maintenance" kind.  I am sure you all know who they are but let me explain what I believe they are...the ones you can trust with anything, knowing that they will be there when/if you call and always have your back...but  are tucked away safely in your heart when distance and time come between you....but you KNOW when you once again get the chance to pull them out and spend time with will be as if time has stood still and you pick up right where you left off with no awkwardness, re-acquainting, no formality, or fake/phonyness.  They are the ones that REALLY know you - scars and all...and love you for them.  They have left a deeply profound and permanent mark on your heart. 

     I have been blessed in my life with a small circle of those kind of friends.  You mean the world to me, are my greatest support over the years and especially now.   I know you are there if I call and need would move heaven and earth to be at my side as I would for you.  We have felt that special bond from the start...."Friends are born not made"  THANK YOU FOR BEING YOU!!!

     This experience has blessed me in so may ways...but most importantly today I see how my life has opened up and the loving arms of friendship have reached out to me by so many of you.  You truly are a gift and strength to me.  You never really know how your life has impacted those around you until something like this happens and the friendship and love comes bouncing back to you....It has been one of the most humbling things I have ever experienced.  I always thought I lived in my own little corner and quietly went on my way...but I was wrong.  You do leave a mark on every single person you come in contact with either for good or for bad....Life really is full of "George Bailey" sure to live each and every one of them....they all count!!  You never know when the Lord will use you to answer the prayer of someone are always changing someone else just by strolling thru their life.



Sunday, November 18, 2012

     Next chemo is the start of a whole new drug cocktail and so all bets are off at this point as to how I will react to it.  They warned me of the possibility of more aches and pains and BIG TIME exhaustion - I guess we will just wait and see - I didn't really follow the usual path on the the last 4 treatments so it's just wait and see now.  It has been such a thrill to have my family and friends come and spend time with me helping where they could...trying to take the heavy load off of VoR.  He is my ROCK and my ANCHOR...he's  never to busy to drop what he is doing to go grab something for me...he never complains when he has to come home after a long day at work and run the household...and is ALWAYS there when I need to just be held and told "I'm okay and it's still ME he sees"...bald, scars and all... 

     It's amazing to be the receiver of so many prayers, blessings and well wishes from dear friends both old and new....I truly feel them all. It is such a sweet tender mercy to feel the Lord holding me gently in his arms....knowing His plan for me is bigger then any other force on this earth  & beyond anything I could ever have thought possible for me...and so I travel this cancer journey as He sees me the strength, experiences and lessons I need to learn from this.  So you see really...only He knows what's in store for I'm feeling, coping and reacting to every little nuance as I go thru this with an eye focused on Him...knowing... He is in control and I have total faith in Him.  He is my BROTHERSAVIOR and LORD.  He as walked this path before me, having experienced ALL that I am asked to go thru and face in this earthly existence in the Garden of Gethsemane.  What a comfort to my soul to know He knows EXACTLY how I feel and so knows best how to help and carry me thru ANYTHING & EVERYTHING...trial, heartache, joy, hick-up and miss-step I will have. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt, to the deepest parts of my spirit that...

I have felt His gentle embrace and guiding hand thru my life & especially thru this journey.  Prayer works!!!  If we are humble, sincere and accepting of His will of what is best for us even if it's not what we would have asked for or wanted...He will be there to help you thru the growing pains, smoothing the rough edges no matter the cause.  We just need to take time to pause and listen for those promptings of the Spirit then be brave enough to follow them. 
We are NEVER alone

Thursday, November 15, 2012

Who woulda thunk we would get to this day...ESPECIALLY feeling as good as I do!?!?!
     I still feel mostly great...sure I have had a day or few of total exhaustion and a couple bouts of really bad nausea but I would have to honestly say 90% of the time I am feeling 95% great. You would know ...just my oncologist told me at the beginning that I would lose all my hair within the first we are treatment 4 (wk 8) and the only hair I have lost is in my nose and my bald head that I did myself as a preemtive strike not wanting to wake up to a huge hair ball on my pillow and to be do it on my terms.  So few things about this cancer are totally crazy and out of your control but this one was and it was really empowering.  Now however I am a smidge miffed cause maybe it would have stuck around too and I would have looked "unsick"...Argg!!!  I always forget I look different to other people and then I getting all those strangers with that giving me those "that poor woman" smiles and hellos with that look in their eyes.
     Then again looking sick has its upside....I have been known to work it when I need to...after all, you only get this once (with any luck) so use it if you need to...wink wink!!!
     I have to say when I had my treatment yesterday was the first time I had a real nasty swing of nausea when the last bag on my cocktail was was really strange and all of a sudden.  They were really good and gave me some other drug and watched me for  15 minutes to see if I needed more but the one shot did it.  I felt way better but really tired (another first) Nothing major I just needed to take it way easier....."gosh I do have breast cancer after all" (see how easily it can be slipped in anywhere...LOL

Wednesday, November 7, 2012

What I learned....

     Let me start by saying....sadly I made some dumb choices this last chemo round....okay...they didn't seem dumb at the time but proved to be after the fact.  Luckily...I am a quick study so I will not be repeating them.

Lesson #1 - Pay attention to the clock!!!!
      Don't let yourself get distracted and forget to EAT, DRINK, SLEEP or take those all important    anti-puke pills on time!!!

Lesson #2 - Car ride.....not your friend!!!
       Not ever suffered from motion sickness....never crossed my mind that 2 days after chemo would   maybe not be the wisest moved...especially in the dark....and in combination with Lesson #1.

Lesson #3 - Never under-estimate the crippling power of total exhaustion!!!
        I have never experienced this level of bone weary pooped!!!  When you have to work yourself    up to walking the 8 steps into the kitchen to get a drink....and that is WAY beyond your reach and feels more like a 10K's bad....not to mention the energy it takes to have the ability to put any thoughts together....WHO KNEW!?!?!?

          ....Thankfully I have a bed in my living room!!!
Smartest move so far!!

Thursday, November 1, 2012

     Let me start by apologizing for the lack of posts these past few days and add a disclaimer that it may be slim reading for the remainder of November. I have been and am being blessed with family visitors so my blog time will likely be spent visiting. My plan is to post at least once a week so you will continue to know how this is going.....and while we are on that subject.....
CHEMO #3 - done!!!!
     As of right now....a repeat of last week so I feel really good. I am a smidge more tired but that could have to do with the fact I could not sleep last night...I got a couple hours but by midnight I was up and there was no going back.....ARGGGG!!!

     I have had a great time playing quietly with my sis for the past 6 days....I know she feels like I pushed myself and didn't rest enough but I was feeling good and I would not change a single second!!! It's not like we did anything real exciting or strenuous except for her last couple days....the poor girl was being drug from hospital (new PICC line) to oncologist appointment and blood work at a different hospital....back to the first hospital for more blood work.....that had to be repeated a 3rd time early on chemo day. THANK HEAVENS FOR THE PICC!!!!! .....then finally back to the hospital for my chemo.

     She never complained about being drug from hither to yon.....she is a real trooper. She is and always has been such a blessing in my life. We figured out that she had actually gone away to college when I was 10yrs old and we only spent a few years together later when she returned from her mission. You can see that these times we get to spend just us are very precious to me. I love to just get to reconnect with her and just hang out being sisters. VoR is such a great man....he just steps back into the shadows and insists we spend time together and not worry about including him in anything while she was here...except for the night we watched Star Trek (the new one)....he can never pass those up...tee hee.
It was a great 6 days....
Thanks Sis...
For always being there!! You're such a huge inspiration to me!!!