And So it began

"ONCE UPON A TIME"....there came along this little lump...insignificant really when you compare it to the entire world of lumps. That is, right up to the point that it wasn't...insignificant I mean............... and so began my journey.

A NEWER SHADE OF I more then SURVIVE...I am learning to THRIVE...

OF COURSE... we all know things are bound to get a little crazy with a surprise around most every corner...not to mention an assortment of bumps and bruises along the way...but I am ever thankful for them all...they have all made me who I am. So buckle up, hold on tight and enjoy the ride thru what I lovingly refer to as LIFE

Monday, November 20, 2017

Guilt & Exhaustion

I am really feeling awful guilt and very remiss for my lack of posts during this chemo journey.  But if I were to be completely honest....there really hasn't been much to "write home about".  This has been soooo much better then the last chemo 5 yrs ago I sometimes (in total jest) find myself wondering if they are even giving me real chemo and not just a placebo. In my total 6 cycles I spent the first 3 or 4 feeling really good...enough to continue my 1.5 mile walks every morning (at a really good pace) & cooking dinner every night...much to VoR's annoyance.  He just feels like I should be resting all the time and let him take care of things like cleaning, laundry, cooking & running errands...again, if we are being honest...he does all those things way better then me anyway.  I was thinking it's the least I could do to help him out cause he really is doing EVERYTHING ELSE!!  He is ALWAYS taking such great care of me, being that selfless steady rock for me.....TRULY MY HERO!!! xoxoxo. He even managed to not be annoyed by spending his birthday sitting thru a chemo treatment and my all day nap...not that there was anything I could do about either of those things.  I am such an airhead....I didn't even get him a card....epic fail.

(No truer words were ever spoken....just saying!)

My biggest adjustment with this chemo is the complete mind numbing exhaustion that just came out of no where, literally as soon as my infusion was finished.  I got off the bed and suddenly could hardly put one foot in front of the other and was totally winded.  I came home and started sleeping for the most part of the next two days....that has been the "norm" every time since then. I seriously mean "mind numbing"...I can't focus on reading anything of substance, always having to back track a couple of pages to remind myself where I left off.  We all know that I am a HUGE movie buff and to sit down and watch a full one is only really successful with those cheesy Hallmark Christmas ones...anything with a plot you need to follow....I just can't keep my attention or stay focused thru it. All I know is that this problem better be TEMPORARY....cause this would completely suck!!  I have loaded a bunch of mindless & ridiculous games onto my iPad & phone.  Let's just leave it at well...I have plethora of Bingo, Gin Rummy, Candy Crush type games & more then a few jigsaw puzzles taking up quite a bit of real estate on both devices.  I have been slowly working on some simple jewelry items (key chains & lanyards) for the "Blinging it Forward Project" that is saving me from feeling totally useless.  The biggest challenge (besides the design process) is that by the time I get upstairs to actually work on stuff, I need to rest and catch my breath and then recognizing when I have reached my limit and make my way back downstairs for a rest/nap.  It has been a real distraction and focus for me.  I had ongoing projects the first time too and it really made that chemo better.  I really believe that you need to lose yourself in doing things for others to get past huge challenges in life.  Reaching beyond yourself and seeing the needs of others gives much needed peace to your soul...and gets you thru this gong show that is CANCER & CHEMO

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