FRIDAY - DECEMBER 14/12 - 10:00 AM
So here we are this morning going into round 2 of my last chemo...you know what that means....
I can't say I have been feeling "bottom of the barrel" awful this past week (since the last treatment actually) and can see the major shift from the last cocktail. The "drive me nuts" part is that I can be sitting in my chair or resting in bed and think "I am actually feeling pretty good".....Then reality hits...I get up and BAM hits me like a brick wall....."Nope...I think I will just sit back down" energy zapped in an instant. Then there is the taking 5 or 6 steps and being so winded and heart just pounding like I just ran a full marathon...and I am POOPED!!!
I have made the same changes in my sleep routine that I did at the beginning with eating....schedule out the window!!! When I am hungry...I eat...regardless of the time and now I just shut my eyes and rest/sleep whenever the urge hits...ZZZZs follow quickly. I don't look at the clock anymore and (see if it's too late in the day). I have found that if I put it off and push myself thru I end up nauseated and dizzy. So when this is all over I will get back on a schedule....for now...whatever. One hurdle at a time.
I have to admit I headed into this one with a little trepidation....not knowing if I would have another reaction like last one...or if they really have the drugs figured out so I will fly thru ... The truth is really...when you have this much toxic slug running free in you system for 12 weeks....it just seems to put your entire system into a state of flux, nothing really is the same as the last one so you just don't know what you would expect . I do realize it really is a Krap shoot... with every new treatment just compounding on the others. VoR had an all day training meeting so I called on a dear old (old only cause I have known her over 25yrs) to come with me. She has gone thru this twice before and has been there every step with insight and what to expect and validation for what I have felt on this journey. She has steadfastly been at my side with prayer, phone calls and friendship. She sat with me for my 5 hour chemo session and then stayed and visited when we got home....the day just FLEW by. We had a great day just visiting and spending time together something we never were able to before while we had our hands full raising kids. She is true treasure in my life and I love her dearly.
This week I took advantage of one of the free workshops they have here for cancer patients...this one was how to care for you skin, draw on "believable" eyebrows and liner to hide the no eyelashes. Since we still have not lost either of them....it really was fun to have "my own beauty consultant for the 2 hours.They talked a lot about how to cover/conceal your lousy skin and coloring and hide those huge black circles under you eyes and how to conceal them and she kept looking at me saying "and you don't have that...what great skin and coloring you have" and was baffled when I told her I was at end of my journey not just starting out.....THANK YOU LUSH for great skin lotion!!!! Since I don't really wear a ton of makeup normally...never foundation and powders and all that krap (maybe that's why my skin looks good now..hmmm) so it really wasn't for me but I enjoyed other info and the SWAG BAG!!! Major cosmetic companies donate to this program so you leave with $600 of stuff..SWEET!!!! My other sister-friend (that's just how we have always felt...sister beyond the confines of just friends) came with me. (FYI...we discovered that she and my oldest sister actually knew each other when they were young girls.....SMALL WORLD!!) She is another one of those trusted kind of friends that we share a no holes barred devotion to each other "honesty..no fluff" so I know I can trust her to tell me if you look bad (or the wig looks like a growth on your head) or if I am being silly about something"........keeps you out of trouble (looks, word and deeds) or if I just need a good cry...she is right there crying with me. (trust me...we spend WAY more time laughing than tears) She will tell me...complete honesty....I LOVE that about her....but really...I just love her more then words can even say....when someone has been in your corner... at your back for 30 yrs....what more is there really to say.
I must give a HUGE shout out to my oldest (again time not age) friend for the service she is doing for me. We all know just how squeamish I am when it comes to needles...(ok, that word doesn't even come close to how terrified I am about them) I can't even watch one on TV. Anyway...my home care company won't administer my mandatory super shot I need 24 hours after chemo and she comes across the city every day after chemo and gives me my shot. This is SOOOO above and beyond to me...she has a really busy life and works full time...so she schedules this in so I get shot and we get some great girl time in....bonus!!!
I have been blessed with an amazing group of "long time low maintenance" kind of friends. You know who you are and what I feel about and for you. Most certainly tender mercies who have loved me, supported, prayed for me, held me up, laughed til we couldn't breath, partners in crime....and every time we meet (even with years/decades apart) it is as if time has stood still and we pick up right where we left off.