QUESTION OF THE WEEK TO ME...

How can you still be smiling???  

The twists and turns of this seemingly simple surgery on June 1st just keep coming faster and more left field the longer we go....keep reading....its gonna take a few posts to iron this all out for you.  I am just beginning since this Troll dropped into my life 5 yrs ago...there is not "seemingly simple" anything when it come to my health anymore.  At least I can honestly tell you first hand....looks can be deceiving....nothing ever ends up being a simple....and you just aren't in control.  What you do with the krap is what will define you to yourself and every single life you touch.

I have had more then a few people shocked at my attitude & and ask "How are you still smiling and positive after all the problems and issues since your surgery?  I would be so angry at this point"   I have never actually thought about it....it's just the way I am.  So I did some SERIOUS pondering on it and this is the best way I can explain it....here goes...

I am just really aware of just how blessed I am that I have never had a second of the "why me...this isn't fair...God must hate me....I must be an awful person".  Those trains of thought never cross my mind.  It is a true gift that God has blessed me with when I was born into this world. He also sent me to a long line of sassy warrior women in my family tree who taught me thru words but mostly example, some very powerful lessons that have kept me centred and focused thru everything.  **When times get tough, you just pull those "big girl panties" a little higher and a little tighter and keep walking forward (or slugging thru the sludgy muck it sometimes feels like), one step after the other...always forward. **No one else needs to suffer from what you are facing. **Always reach out & find who needs you to be YOU to make it thru their krap. **It's NOT about you...it's about you being the spark for someone else to grab tight to for those dark & scary moment they are dealing with. **Always be true to the YOU you know you are outside this bit of muck you are slogging thru right now...it DOES NOT last very long in the grand journey of your life.  It beats the alternative...I am still alive and kicking.

You never know when you are put in the path of someone else...being the answer to their prayer they maybe didn't even know they said but God was listening and answered. This incident shows what I mean...

I was in the Hospital...AGAIN...down in the general ultrasounds area waiting for yet another ultrasound  laying in my hospital bed in a little cubby hole in the wall where 3 beds can fit as we all wait for transport to take me back to my room. This is where scans are done for both in-patients and out patients so there is a high turnover rate in this waiting area. In walks this very nervous 30 something woman to the waiting area...you could just feel the fear bouncing off her,& see her coffee cup shake. She just happened to look over at me and I smiled.  A few minutes later she cautiously came over to the end of my bed and asked how I was feeling.  I said "Fine...how about you"  She gave me the smallest hints a  grin and said she was "fine" then proceeded to tell me what she was there for and that she was really nervous.  I told her I had the same thing done just a few moments before & if they had to biopsy something, I had done that too.  She looked surprised and gave me a more relaxed smile.  I assured her it wasn't that bad and she would do great & not to be worried....she had this!  She let out this sigh and a big smile (and less shaky hands) said to me. "Thank you I so needed to hear that today, I am here alone and it's really scary not knowing what they are gonna have to do....like a biopsy too really freaks me out but I am okay now...If I get scared in there...I am gonna think of you & what you said & know I CAN do this" As they wheeled me out of my little cubby she looked over and winked and gave me a thumbs up and mouthed THANK YOU.  I know the Lord was in charge of that little interaction/tender mercy for her.  I am truly humbled that I could give her that little spark to hold onto in her scary moment then and later if she needed it.

You never know when you are put in the path of someone else...being the answer to their prayer they maybe didn't even know they said but God was listening and answered. That...if you come right down to it...that is what this is all about.