You know it's been a tough week when.....
1) You reach THE milestone at the end of chemo and you don't remember it at all....double sigh!!!
I guess it would be safe to say that I was a smidge more rattled by last Friday's 911 event then I thought I was. You see....that very same morning was my LAST chemo and in my unit that is a HUGE milestone that they just don't allow to quietly slip by. There is a HUGE bell on the nurses desk and when you have completed that last treatment you get to go RING THAT BELL...for as long and as hard as you want and the entire unit cheers with you. There is a lot of hugs flying around between staff and patients....a real celebration!!! I have to admit sad too...you really do bond with these people thru the shared fight and the one on one personal care...so on some level you really know you will miss them...so it feels like a loss too. I have this friend who has been with me every step of this journey in many capacities (shoulder to lean on, knowledge to draw from, hand holding, sit at your bedside, laugh, cry and draw spiritual strength from) and she showed up at my last chemo to surprise and celebrate with me...and bring flowers. It was so great to share this triumph with her and VoR...they were both taking pictures and just taking in the moment with me. Now here is the trippy part....she called me on Sunday (2 days past 911) to say she had emailed me the pictures and I had no recollection of it ever happening. I honestly had no idea what she was talking about...chemo brain to the MAX!!!
2) Every time you sit down longer then an hour....you have more likely than not fallen asleep and missed whatever was going on in the hour....sigh...
I can't believe how tired....no...EXHAUSTED I have been this week!!! It is so trippy cause it just comes out of the blue and BAM...you're gone. I have been in the middle of watching something on TV or face timing with my kids and when my body get broadsided by these wave of POOPED...there is nothing that can keep me awake. Now this is a whole new thing for me since I have spent most of my life suffering with insomnia. VoR (like most men) can decide it's time for bed and almost be asleep before his head hits the pillow....HOLY COW...I now know what that feels like...kinda awesome actually.
3) You have to keep reminding yourself that you are only 1wk post chemo and NO dough head....you are NOT gonna feel like a million bucks...actually (if truth be told...) what do you really expect to feel at the end of your 8th Chemo in 14wks?!?!?
I find I am getting annoyed with myself and the fact that I should be feeling better....heck...I finished chemo!!! Like I have said before...this is gonna be a STEEP learning curve. I have been so nauseated this week and that too comes totally out of the blue with no warning...NOT FUN!!! I am having patches of time where I actually feel really good...okay...so those only come when I am laying down in bed....but the point is that they are coming...the secret is to not plan to change the world in those moments cause the minute I get out of bed and walk 10ft.....the energy and ambition...GONE!!! So...what I have started to do is pick one thing to do that day and only focus on getting that done...if I don't, no biggie but then at least I am not looking at a huge "to do" list and feeling even more like a lazy pile...so far so good. Don't get me wrong...these aren't big jobs...just a little something to make me feel like I have accomplished in my day.
BIG NEWS...I officially get to start radiation on FEB 8th....no rest for the wicked I guess.