FEAR/COURAGE/FAITH
These are 3 very simple yet powerful words independently but together their
value is far beyond anything we can image. I have been wrestling with these
words for a few days and this is what I have come up with.
I have been really great to this point with everything that has and will
happen to me because of this diagnosis. Suddenly I am thrown to a point where,
because I am only human, Fear and Courage are battling to dominate my very
spirit. So why a needle this Wednesday has become my undoing and the one thing
my mind is so fixated on....I don't know. What I do know is that
it has become a real hurdle for me and has driven me repeatedly to my knees and
the scriptures...maybe that is the whole point....I don't know.
We all know that fear and faith cannot co-exist so I wonder where my faith
(over this one thing) has gone or faltered to allow FEAR to have such a grip? The fact that I have this thought at all is devastating to me. It's not that anything has changed in my journey, my Savior
or our relationship...it's just this crippling terror over a procedure...it is very strange to me that I find myself doubting His capacity to hold me thru this....but at the same time knowing that I DON'T DOUBT!!!!
Maybe
it is actually more doubt in myself, my worth and my role as His daughter...the
daughter of a King. Maybe I 'm afraid of the insignificance of my "craziness"
over this one little ordeal (which it truly is in
the grand scheme of things)? Maybe it's my belief that it isn’t really worth His time and attention when you
consider all the injustice of the world...knowing that something bigger WILL happen
to someone else somewhere and I am
really just need to suck it up. Now...I know in my head and heart that's crazy!!!
HE IS ALWAYS HERE!!!!!
"A
sparrow shall not fall on the ground without your Father...hairs of your head
are all numbered...Ye are of more value than many sparrows" (Matt
10:29-31)
Of course He will be with me - I KNOW THAT - I just marvel at
how quickly Satan can drop a minuscule dot in the water of our life and IF we
don't acknowledge, face it and figure it out - it begins a ripple effect that
turns quickly into mighty tidal waves that crash into us threatening to capsize our very lives, working
hard to knock us off our true heading. We so need to faithfully and
consistently anchor ourselves to the Lord. Checking and rechecking that anchor
every day repairing any weakness or frays on the rope. It is our lifeline
and our only sure way through all the rest of the storms that most surely lay
ahead of us.
As I read this morning two scriptures jumped off the page at me...it is always
such a miracle to me when you pray and search...being open to the promptings of
the Holy Ghost....that you will be led to the answer you need.
"Be not afraid...for the
Lord thy God is with thee" (Deuteronomy 20:1)
"Be ye therefore very
courageous to keep and do all...Cleave unto the Lord your God, as ye have done
unto this day" (Joshua 23:6&8)
