I think it was inevitable (in this mad search/rush for information) that at some point I would hit a wall.
Let me start by saying....IF this blog is to be what is designed to be...an honest accounting of my journey...then you need to see all sides of it and not just the "happy go lucky" side....because in truth...I have other moments too....NOT MANY...actually a VERY few. For me they are just little pebbles on my path that like a rock in your flip flop...I stop and get them out...no shoes/one is perfect on a rocky path after all...so I have decided that I will share them when I allow them to effect my stride....it's only fair to you and I need to be honest about this.
In my quest to make sure I had all the info I need to make an informed decision (when we get to that point) and had every possible questions ready for my follow up with the surgeon ....not to mention be familiar with all the terminology....(you get the idea)..... yesterday my brain just said "I HAVE HAD ENOUGH"!!!! I had spent yet another day reading and reviewing and by 4pm I was done. It has gotten so dumb that I feel guilty if I want to watch a movie or read a "fun" book....that my friends is unhealthy....but in my defence....I have no idea how this surgery and treatment are going to really effect me so I have been trying to jam EVERYTHING in right now before we get started so all my "ducks are in a row" and the frustration level will be down.
Not that this is a new thing....anytime something major is gonna happen (buying a car or a house or go on VaCa) I have researched it completely and know everything we need to know...and then some. I do believe it is a great trait but as I sit here today...I am officially taking a "Mental Health Day"!!! It's Boobless Thursday...I am not gonna open one book, website, support group, fundraising anything about this disease. I may just sit on my keester and watch old musicals...(don't judge)....if I can get past the guilt of wasting an entire day. I never used to let that bother me but now.....I'm a little more aware of time and all the things I want to do.
It is just the little things that have been forced aside since this started that annoy me & make me sad...(VoR and I were gonna go on road trip to catch the fall colors....delayed. Family reunion....derailed....Florida in the late fall....delayed). I have to sit back and come to terms with the Time & season for all things and right now...this time....is about getting healthy. 99.9% of the time I good with that....then we get close to a derailed plan and I get sad for a second. This too shall pass and when I look back this really will be just a blip in my life....and blips can be just that or huge towering mountains that take over our life and we wallow in regrets....I choose the BLIP!!