FULL DISCLAIMER…..

Brace yourselves…this may in fact be more of a RANT

If I were to start by saying this has been the craziest health issue streak in Modern History….it would not be a HUGE overstatement!!!  Let’s just leave it at 6 months, 24 tests, multiple blood tests (by the gallons), 6 medical specialties & in the end still no explanation for the crazy extreme symptoms I have been dealing with.  We have gone all the way up the food chain to Internal Medicine…still nothing.  Now…if that wasn’t enough to drive a sane woman to a stiff drink…August I noticed a TINY red dot on my scar line from my original breast cancer site.  They did the tiniest biopsy in history and 7 days later that old ugly Troll reared his ugly head…AGAIN.  Now…if anyone is keeping score this makes 3 times in 5 years with the last 2 happening 16 months apart.  So on Thursday Sept 27th we go in for major surgery to remove ALL scar tissue, partial pec muscle and relocate the lat muscle and skin graph from my thigh.  Got everything crossed they keep the staph infection away from me this time…that is what’s making me the MOST anxious.  I just might sit up in the OR before we start and demand everyone go scrub up one more time!!!  My surgeon thinks its a great idea.  I am not doing 7 months of 24/7 IV antibiotics again….that nearly killed me.  

SERIOUSLY PEOPLE…ENOUGH WITH THE BREAST CANCER ALREADY…I DON’T EVEN HAVE BOOBS ANYMORE!!!  Lucky for me…I’m always looking for a good fight….and this sneaky little Troll has just pushed me toooo far and anyone who knows me….push too far and you will lose no matter who you are…I AM GONNA TAKE YOU OUT…or bust some caps and if I go down….I am SOOOO takin you with me!!!

I have had a number of health challenges over the last 16 months but Cancer never crossed my mind until that tiny red dot showed up and caught my eye, then just like the other times…BAM!!  I knew it was cancer again and that we were gonna start this dance with that Troll again…this time I pushed past my point of calm and I am totally PISSED RIGHT OFF so we are going bare knuckles this time and I am in the mood to kick some serious trash this time. I guess that is why it’s called a battle…those little scrimmages don’t really give you a clear winner. That opposing side of Trolls just don’t give up no matter how hard you kick their trash. They just seem to go into hiding, just to pop up again at will, & try to  prove this time, that they can take you out where the previous troops failed.  Let me just stress….I don’t like games without clear winners so I am strapping on my gear and going in for the kill this time,  Now you nasty little Troll Troop…”Just so there is NO misunderstanding…

I AM ONE WARRIOR CHICK WHO WILL CONTINUE TO SHOW UP AND KICK YOUR TRASH & WILL BE THERE FOR ALL YOU OTHER WANNA BE FUTURE TROLLS!!!  SO…YOU BEST JUST STEP OFF AND LET ME GET ON WITH MY LIFE & BEING ME…just sayin!!!”

Surgery in 9.5 hrs......Check you on the other side with the details of what my GREAT medical team found & what they did about it

TORNADO WEEKEND 2018

HUGE SHOUT OUT TO ALL EFFECTED  in

 Gatineau PQ, Dunrobin & Craig Henry ON. Canada

“Helping Hands” are there…you are in great hands!!!

In our hearts & prayers 

PS.....What was I thinking??????

According to the internet….there is no way to successfully kill a Troll…..maybe that’s my problem, I dubbed him a “Troll” at the very beginning….I guess I should have thought it through a little more…

ARGGGGG!!!!!

CAUGHT UP & CURRENT....I DID IT!!! (March 2018)

CAUGHT UP AND CURRENT....who would have thought?!!?!? 

- March 2018 - (part 2)

As you can imagine....I got home and stayed in bed for a quite a few days. When I started turning the corner and feeling a bit better you can imagine what this girl did....that's right!!!  Got myself back to the gym and into that wonderful swimming pool.  With the range of motion restrictions I have in both arms now I wasn't sure of a couple big hurdles.....don't laugh but I was really concerned with "could I remember how to swim & would I be able to back stroke with these damaged arms? So I planned to just get in the water and work my arms & try to stretch all the tight and damaged tissue.  But "Wonder of Wonders, Miracle of Miracles..." (thank you Motel the Tailor..."Fiddler on the Roof" people...please!!). Well...I fluttered around for about 20 minutes and then just went for it and swam a few laps.  Now I won't be breaking any land speed or aquatic records...4 full back stroke laps in 45 minutes...but the point is...      
🏊🏊🏊🏊🏊🏊🏊I DID IT!!!🏊🏊🏊🏊🏊🏊🏊

I went again a couple of times and got up to 6 laps in 12 minutes....one stroke at a time.

My biggest problem since coming home this time is a mild head cold and that BLASTED cough which has completely side lined me and zapped any teeny weeny reserve of energy I had left.  I have been sleeping about 4-5hrs a night then another 3-4 during the day, which for me on a regular day is about 5 hrs more then usual.  The crazy times are the daytime naps...I can go from wide awake to BAM!!!  I am asleep in the chair, or wherever I can drop and shut my eyes cause when it hits me it HITS ME and I am DONE!!  The other day I had napped in my chair a good hour, staggered upstairs, grabbed the closest quilt and face planted on the mattress of my bed (sheets were washing) & slept another couple hours.  It boggles my mind.

Even...I know,  I need to get back in the game cause we are heading (yes...VoR is coming along this time) out on the final leg of the GRAND BABY TOUR first week in April then on to Las Vegas for a week, just the 2 of us...we SOOOOO NEED IT!!!!  It has been a long and stressful 10 months and now it's time for some fun adventures.  We found a beautiful condo WAY off the Strip so we can just relax, take in a show, go to the Temple and shop some outlets....no schedules, deadlines or commitments.  I CAN'T WAIT!!!  As I sit here finishing this big "BACK STORY" set of posts...we actually leave on VaCa tomorrow morning so you can only imagine my HUGE "TO DO" LIST!!!

As I have relived these past few months I have looked back thru the "PROBABLY NOT THE SMARTEST THING I HAVE EVER DONE" glasses.  Should I have given more time between trips YES!  Getting on a plane full of "who knows what bug they are carrying" 7 weeks out of chemo treatment...NO!!  Would I do it again...IN A HEARTBEAT!!!  I had great visits with my 3 amazing adult children and my little herd of cutie pie grand babies. I always make a picture quote that really states how I feel at the beginning of each cancer journey.  Each has gotten me thru a lot of quiet personal battle moments.  I shared with you once my focus quote for this cancer battle, but I feel I need to again now that we made it thru another battle.

 I have learned to jump when the opportunity is there....you don't know what might come along and stop you in your tracks & derail all your best played plans.  So nap when you need to,  go do what you want, modify your plan if you have to...just still do it, laugh when mood strikes you, cry when your heart is touched & both see & acknowledge the Lord in your life and in the world around you....miracles happen daily...watch for them.

-Etta May- 

The Not so back BACKSTORY - March 2018

I CAUGHT UP!!!!  -March 2018 -
(part 1)

Okay....I actually never thought this would happen....I filled in the back story more or less...but you can't even begin to understand the weight off my chest and the incredible guilt that I have had every time I sat down at my computer to do something else.....I AM FREE!!!!   ALMOST....

- MARCH 2018 -

- Lets start this out with the MOST important day of the month...MY BIRTHDAY!!!!  It was a really great day!!!!  My day started off with my dear friend stopping by with YUMMY lemon tarts and a quick HUG!!!  The lemon squares were tartly wonderful but the hug was by far the best part. Then my other dear & oldest friend came over and kidnapped me for the afternoon. We spent a fun afternoon just "lallygagging" around then topped it off with an entire Carrot Cake.  Do these 2 girls know me or what?!?!? Thanks for making it such a fun "Mary Poppins" kind of day.

-The next day I left to continue the "GRAND BABY TOUR"...off across the country again to spend 6 days with THE "Empress of Awesomeness" and her brew...arriving after 1am.  I was sooooo tired going into this one but THE Empress knew that my energy was in the toilet planned just planned on me resting during the day.  She too assured me that what was important was the fact that I was there.  Back during treatment VoR had gone out to see them for a wknd and my GB made me promise that when I was better I would come see her...here I came.  They had planned a great day to celebrate my Bday and let's be honest there are a lot worse men to spend it with then Hugh Jackman & Zac Efron singing and dancing in one of my FAV movies in a long time... "The Greatest Showman". The humour was not lost on me that Random Wisdom first crushed hard for Zac during "High School Musical" days and we would all have to agree, is still today major eye candy...but the fact that my GB is just as star struck over him because of this movie just cracks me right up!!!  But my day ended in my favourite tradition....PAVLOVA!!! If it isn't familiar to you....GOOGLE SEARCH IT!!!  That Empress soooooo knows her way around amazing desserts!!!! The perfect day with a couple of my favourite girls.  I had a fantastic time with Empress's little family.  GB is a game nut...but not just any game...NO..."Battleship" & "Bingo"....and can I just say...young minds never tire but I couldn't go non-stop.  Fortunately I had found an App before I left home so we were able to play both on the iPad so we could stop and go without worry of GB messing with the pieces. I can not even give you an estimate of just how many hours we played over those 6 days but be assured it was enough for me to be dreaming "B6, G56, I 30...you get the idea...but honestly, I was thrilled to be there with those 2 GBS it didn't matter what we did.

-I had to get up and be heading to the airport at 3:00AM!!!!  I finally got home by almost 5pm.  VoR was out of town for work so as you can imagine...I went & had a shower, made something easy to eat and plopped in front of the tv to catch up on my shows & didn't budge again for more then a couple hours.  It was nice to be home....for the 2 weeks I am gonna be here.  BTW...still got that lousy cough virus from when I got home from leg #1 of the tour...ARGGG!!!

-Etta May-

The Backstory...January & February 2018

JANUARY CONTINUES....INTO FEBRUARY 2018

- Now let's just pause for a moment and remember that this point I have been sick for over 7 months and I am only 8 weeks out of treatment...so months and months of recovery are stacked up in front of me still to go thru.  I had also been fighting that blasted staph infection even longer....so to say I was not at my best as I sat and planned the GRAND BABY TOUR...I was honestly way more out of my mind then I realized at the time....not my best maneuver...but as they say..."birthing babies wait for no one" so off I trudged....fingers crossed, intentions good, hopes high and energy reserves well...just not there..but with faith that all would go well off I went on the first 3 wks of the Tour.  Honestly I thought I was tired before I left...."Just you wait Henry Higgins, just you wait" (thank you My Fair Lady) 

- My first plan of attack was to (as it happened) get on a plane and surprise Random Wisdom a couple of weeks before she delivered baby #2.  There had been lots of HUGE changes in her little family's life so I thought I could swoop in and be a help to her... HA HA....again, not really thinking that thru. Now moral support... I came loaded down with vats of that & hours to spend with her adorable toddler (grandbaby) . The exciting thing was that I was there for the birth of her baby #2 and it was AMAZING!!!  My experiences in birth coaching made it so I was able to be a solid help to her as she went thru the birthing process...a tender mercy for me for sure!! I have now been blessed to be with both my daughters when they delivered a child.  Random Wisdom was such a trooper and her doctor was a blessing, just exactly who she needed and it was just a really beautiful experience for everyone involved.

- I spent time with Pragmatically Speaking and my next grand baby who is growing into the most amazing child.  It was so much fun just being there.  I was told that the expectation was that I was to sit on the couch and relax and rest and not worry about not being up to doing anything.  You can't imagine what a boon that was to my spirit and the stress it relieved.  It was a really wonderful trip but it did significantly drain more out of the energy reserves...it's just the nature of travelling and being away from your own home.  

- In the end the fatigue won out but the weather was beautiful, the family time was priceless & a beautiful brand new baby....doesn't get much better then that.

- I have a month before I leave on part 2 of the tour and I am gonna need every single one of them.  VoR had caught this NASTY throat virus & the most uncontrollable & painful cough (like coughing shards of broken glass) while I was gone but loved me enough to share with me. He's always looking for new treats for me...but this one???  YUP...I picked it up and took up residence back in my old faithful recliner with a cool mist steamer running 24/7 right beside me.  I woke up Sunday morning
it was stuck shut and oozing greenish/yellow muck out of it (sorry those weaker stomach people...but you're right..GROSS!! So off we went to emergency.  When they heard me coughing they sent me for a bunch of tests but all clear so this virus just needs to run it's course and "its a doozie that will just hang on forever"...fluids and sleep and time is all you can do.  SLEEP....really?!?!!?  Coughing took care of any chance for that.  The eye cleared up in a few days but the virus...seems to have taken up permanent residence in my throat...sigh

-Etta May-

The BACKSTORY - December 2017 & January 2018

THE BACKSTORY CONTINUES....part 2

DECEMBER 2017

- I began making some jewelry again for the Blinging it Forward Project & some of their clients.  It feels good to get back into serving others....this is such a great cause.  I was so inspired that Christmas morning I woke up early and realized I wanted something special for church at 9am and proceeded to sit down and make earrings, bracelet and necklace set that was a mixture of new and vintage beads.  It was stunning...if I have to say so myself and the fact that I made it in a couple of hours shocked everyone...and that was fun seeing the reactions.  Sadly I still couldn't say in the building even with a heavy duty mask on. But it is the Savior's birth so I went anyway...I miss going to church and all the social aspect that includes...the Gospel is still alive and kicking in me...another blessing for me.

- We got the Christmas tree up this time....a step better then the 2012 chemo experience...it just didn't happen I was feeling so lousy.  I love Christmas and especially the tree. I will sit for hours in a dark room with just the lights on quietly feeling the peace of the season work miracles on my spirit and in my heart.  My oldest friend showed up and decorated it for me....what a service as I was just thrilled to have it up with the lights on but it was stunning when she was thru with it.

- I was even feeling good enough to think about cooking a turkey and all the fixings and to invite my dear friend's daughter and son-in-law, who had just moved into our city, and would have been on their own.  Bonus...she brought all the snacks & dessert too!!!  Now I don't for a second think that I was very exciting to be around or in any position to act "Hostess" but can I just say....I had a BLAST!!!  They were so easy and really are more like family so I just relaxed, they pitched in, VoR was amazing and we spent the day eating (yup...I really mean ALL DAY) and playing games.  Our company was even aware enough to notice when I suddenly was exhausted and my day was over.  Such a sweet gift to have her here in my life again....she was a close friend of Random Wisdom so she is such a reminder of her & with her living so far away, the reminder is good for my heart.

-We spent New Year's Eve just the 2 of us.  It was quiet and peaceful and not even sure we made to midnight.  I love the time the VoR spend together....just the 2 of us.

JANUARY 2018

- Life began to pick up speed as the new year got into swing.  Ok....nobody else would have really noticed such a tiny little increased pace...but to me, I was flying at the speed of sound...at least my mind was.  I quickly figured out that my brain was "writing cheques that my body had no intention/ability to cash". In other words....when I sat in my big comfy recliner I had ideas, plans, lists, you name it of things I "needed", okay...wanted to get done only to discover that the moment my foot hit the floor my body screamed (in my head)..."OH HECK NO!!!  What were you thinking??".  I am NOT a pacer for darn sure...I am a "getupandgoer" to the bone so these single teeny weeny accomplishments just really weren't cutting it for me.  Other were so excited cause I (for example) took my own dishes into the kitchen (cause I hadn't done that for months) had me shaking my head thinking "REALLY...that's all I got in me???  

To be clear & full disclosure even being in that much debt to the "energy bank" I still couldn't resist the MONSTER airline seat sale that passed thru my in-box.  Before I knew it I had started the plans for "GRAND BABIES TOUR 2018" and by plans I mean airline tickets bought so now the planning needed to actually begin.  Can I just say...once out of my recliner try first thought was...

"WHAT THE HECK WERE YOU THINKING" 

...so all that was left to do was take a deep breath...and start planning.

-Etta May-

YET ANOTHER EPIPHANY...the Backstory Block

The Backstory...part 1

I am not kidding....this really was a HUGE epiphany for me.  I've thought long & hard over my resistance to actually sitting down & typing a blog entry over the last 5 months (believe me...I have written dozens...okay 5 or 6 at least) & I think it actually comes down to my over- ruling propensity with "the rest of the story" (thanks Andy Rooney) "the back story" & "the special features".  Anyone who really knows me knows that good or bad, there is RARELY a film that I don't spend time devouring the "special features"....good/bad/boring...doesn't matter...I just NEED to what/why/how things happened!!! Before & after or even during filming....all the back stories, what the actor discovered/created about who the character really was.  Now don't even get me started if the film is based on a "TRUE STORY/ACTUAL EVENTS" where I can do a bunch of digging ("research") on my own...OYE!!!  I just have this compunction to know what happened to them, where they are now & how they are doing since the end of the period covered in the film.  I know it looked like I went down a rabbit hole here....not true.  Now take all this new knowledge you have about me and apply it to this blog & my life over the last 5-6 months and you see how my HUGE issue I face.  At this point I am so "blogged" down with the these (back stories) past several months that I have been silenced by my own obsession.

SOOOO...in an attempt to step out of my own snare, I am just gonna fill in the missing months (probably in a couple posts) in more of a "Highlight Reel" to get you caught up to where we are today.  It still feels very daunting to me but here goes...

NOVEMBER 2017

- OFFICIALLY...I finished chemo Nov. 24!!!!  Sadly it was not quite the end of that blasted IV antibiotic that had been my constant companion since June 14th.  I did jump for joy cause a week later I had my LAST of 13 injections that followed each chemo.  For a needlefobe like me....that was by far the HARDEST challenge of this chemo treatment.  I really didn't suffer many of the effects from the chemo this time which could have been exacerbated by the IV treatment and made my life horribly miserable.  I completely give all the credit and gratitude to my Saviour who I KNOW stepped in and intervened on my behalf.  I am so humbled by His love and knowledge of me and willingness to step in and remove that part of this long journey for me.  My oncologist was just baffled that I wasn't feeling as horrid as she tried to prepare me for.  The ONLY effects (beside very mild nausea) I had to deal with was the mind numbing complete physical fatigue and the deep ache in my lower back and legs.  Don't get me wrong....I didn't know a body could get that exhausted!!!  (I still battle with that in spurts during every day....but I have learned to work around them). I am just so grateful that my toes are still pointing the right direction and that we caught this blasted little Troll again before he could dig in and do much damage.  We are all aware that we may not be so lucky next time...but I love and live every single day surrounded by the love and protection of my amazing VoR and my most amazing children along with great life-long friends.  

Life just doesn't get any better than that....sigh

-Etta May-

Guilt & Exhaustion

I am really feeling awful guilt and very remiss for my lack of posts during this chemo journey.  But if I were to be completely honest....there really hasn't been much to "write home about".  This has been soooo much better then the last chemo 5 yrs ago I sometimes (in total jest) find myself wondering if they are even giving me real chemo and not just a placebo. In my total 6 cycles I spent the first 3 or 4 feeling really good...enough to continue my 1.5 mile walks every morning (at a really good pace) & cooking dinner every night...much to VoR's annoyance.  He just feels like I should be resting all the time and let him take care of things like cleaning, laundry, cooking & running errands...again, if we are being honest...he does all those things way better then me anyway.  I was thinking it's the least I could do to help him out cause he really is doing EVERYTHING ELSE!!  He is ALWAYS taking such great care of me, being that selfless steady rock for me.....TRULY MY HERO!!! xoxoxo. He even managed to not be annoyed by spending his birthday sitting thru a chemo treatment and my all day nap...not that there was anything I could do about either of those things.  I am such an airhead....I didn't even get him a card....epic fail.

(No truer words were ever spoken....just saying!)

My biggest adjustment with this chemo is the complete mind numbing exhaustion that just came out of no where, literally as soon as my infusion was finished.  I got off the bed and suddenly could hardly put one foot in front of the other and was totally winded.  I came home and started sleeping for the most part of the next two days....that has been the "norm" every time since then. I seriously mean "mind numbing"...I can't focus on reading anything of substance, always having to back track a couple of pages to remind myself where I left off.  We all know that I am a HUGE movie buff and to sit down and watch a full one is only really successful with those cheesy Hallmark Christmas ones...anything with a plot you need to follow....I just can't keep my attention or stay focused thru it. All I know is that this problem better be TEMPORARY....cause this would completely suck!!  I have loaded a bunch of mindless & ridiculous games onto my iPad & phone.  Let's just leave it at well...I have plethora of Bingo, Gin Rummy, Candy Crush type games & more then a few jigsaw puzzles taking up quite a bit of real estate on both devices.  I have been slowly working on some simple jewelry items (key chains & lanyards) for the "Blinging it Forward Project"...so that is saving me from feeling totally useless.  The biggest challenge (besides the design process) is that by the time I get upstairs to actually work on stuff, I need to rest and catch my breath and then recognizing when I have reached my limit and make my way back downstairs for a rest/nap.  It has been a real distraction and focus for me.  I had ongoing projects the first time too and it really made that chemo better.  I really believe that you need to lose yourself in doing things for others to get past huge challenges in life.  Reaching beyond yourself and seeing the needs of others gives much needed peace to your soul...and gets you thru this gong show that is CANCER & CHEMO

WOW!!!!  It's been over a month & I feel like lots has happened & nothing has happened all at the same time.  I just completed part 2 of Chemo #3 & I'm still feeling really good.  Maybe I should qualify that a smidge....I am not nauseated 70% of the time & rarely feel horrible & let's be honest...that's all that really matters when you're going thru this mine field.  I have however started feeling some effects from my daily shots (post chemo to build my blood)...large joint and muscle pain...mine has focused in on my right hip joint.  It's pretty miserable and has put the brakes on my 1.5 mile morning walks.....that really sucks!!!  The 3rd round of chemo this week was just the same old routine...until the other shoe dropped.  IT wasn't a horrible drop...I just got smacked in the face with the fatigue!!!  I could hardly put one foot in front of the other by the time that treatment was over and it hasn't gotten much better...so I am suspecting that this is the new norm.  I will gladly take this any day over nausea and puking....just saying.  I am finding that I am feeling well enough to be distracted doing other things and not taking the time to rest when I am tired or to just sit and ponder and that is a great loss to me.  I am just not feeling bad enough to justify just sitting around without my mind going into over-drive on of all the things I could/should be doing....much to VoR's annoyance and frustration.  I am trying but I guess this time the "feeling good" is definitely a doubled edge sword.

I have also had worse & more frequent headaches.  The weather has been a contributing factor since it has been all over the map with crazy systems and pressures....If you doubt my word for it...just ask anyone from Texas, Florida, Louisiana or the Rocky Mountains...they will set you straight.  On this weather topic for a second...Harvey hit us a little close to home as my brother and his ailing wife live just outside of Houston so we were keeping pretty close eye on what was happening there too. My heart goes out to all the other victims of the other storms and fires that went on during this time too.  All this crazy weather & natural disasters are right out of control but lucky for us we were created as a resilient people.  We will learn the lessons, compassion for others, band together to help those affected, turn to the Lord, and grow stronger for the experiences.  We need to go into this recovery with nothing but love in our hearts, looking for opportunities to switch our focus and look for the needs of others not what we think we are entitled to...anger and frustration will rear their ugly heads at times...we must look beyond that knee-jerk reaction of anger and see the hurting soul inside and find a way to help and lift it.  If we look to Christ as the example and try to emulate Him in our daily interactions think how truly blessed we would all be. IN every disaster that happens there is a "hive" of these yellow hand print shirts that quietly show up without the fanfair and news coverage.  They come in ready to work and help the hurting thru physical and emotional support and loving hands to labor with loving hearts to show they care....plus a tear-filled hug or two just for good measure....but ask any victim from where they have served and they will tell you...."they made all the difference".  Far beyond the hours and hours of selfless labor they provide...they send a stillness to the hearts of those they help and are a true shining example of Christ's love for each of us.

Now back to my little corner of the world...One day rolls uninterrupted or changed from the day before, for the most part. Then you throw in a doctor’s appointment or a test...& on those days you get to take a “Road Trip!!!  It's pretty sad when trip to the doctor is a much anticipated outing…OYE!!  

I did have a week of excitement as Random Wisdom and her precious little family came to visit. We had a lot of fun and it was great to watch the working mind of a 2 yr old againl….fascinating really.  They actually were impacted by “Harvey” and got rescheduled and rerouted and they arrived 2 days early….I AM NOT COMPLAINING!!!  VoR took some time off work and did all the “touristy” stuff with them and got the Poutine, Timbits & Beaver Tails that are mandatory staples when any of the children visit….and not just once…numerous trips each visit.  IT WAS A BLAST!!!  

I have gotten myself involved with a local project called “the *Blinging* it Forward Project.  They collect used jewelry from women all over the country and then take it all apart and rebuild it into new pieces (bracelets, earrings & key chains) for women in battered women shelters in the city.  I don’t profess to have a ton of talent when it comes to this kind of stuff but I wanted to jump in and do my part….giving back too….I spend a few hours every day working on whatever tasks need to be done for them while I try my hand at some designing.  It is a lot of fun….keeps me occupied & they really appreciate my help. Then you throw in the  gratitude from the women on the receiving end when they get their new stuff, and it's a win win!!! You will probably hear me talk about it a lot in the future.  It is such a GREAT & rewarding project!!!  Thanks to them for letting me be involved and for allowing me to do  my small part.

PICCing it Back Up...

So Monday morning rolls around and VoR, me & the Empress of Awesomeness...who btw have been having WAY too much fun going off doing the "touristy" stuff with her dad and sitting with me binge watching 2 seasons of Poldark (look it up...very good period piece...as is usual from the BBC). It has been such a blast having her home again for a few days....AND she made me pickled carrots!! Be still my heart....now we just sit and wait 2 months to eat them....sigh. 

Anyway...back to Monday. It 's just your typical "quiet off chemo week" ...NOT.  I started off the morning with my surgeon to just check on a bit of redness and swelling on the infected side to see if any draining was needed....I didn't think so but with it getting red and warm again...I wasn't taking chances.  She decided that it was okay and just keep an eye on it and to NOT over work that right arm.  Over-due anything....who me!?!?!  She must know me cause she made me pinky swear that I would, in fact behave. I did get her to STAT order a new PICC for me before Thurs which she immediately did.  Then we were off to the Oncologist for my "finished 1st chemo round" follow-up.  She took one look at the redness and swelling and got ID on the phone to have me seen before she would allow then next chemo round.   I love her....she is soooo meticulous and thorough I have complete trust in her. She STAT ordered a PICC too...lol.   We have to stick to the chemo schedule though cause Random Wisdom arrives on my "Off chemo wk" so I can keep her pregnant little belly and that adorable 2yr old "flighter" as far away from this toxic blend of nastiness as possible!!!  The Doc did go over all my last scans and tests etc and NOTHING is showing up so it would appear that once again....we caught that miserable little troll in his tracks.  I don't want to be doing this every 5 yrs....but I love that we are catching him so quickly.  

By the time we got home there was a message with an appt time for ID the next morning at 10:30. Just how I wanted to spend my OFF week...sigh.  By that morning the redness was mostly gone but the ID doctor didn't like how the chest wall is still soooo red and hot and angry looking and decided to switch up my antibiotic....I should have warned her about my 2% reputation.  15 minutes into the infusion I'm coughing and sounding hoarse and my eyes are a bit funky around the edges and the IV site is burning....yup they stopped that pretty quick.  She asks about the PICC...I told her Friday unless she wanted to make a call...she did...9am tomorrow morning!!  Take that Friday being the earliest appt!!  She obviously wields a lot of power...I am not complaining!!  The decision is made to come back to ID after the PICC and try the new drug again over a 2hr slower infusion and thru the PICC and see how it goes.  She calls 2 hrs later saying she has changed her mind and that we are just gonna add an extra dose to my existing antibiotic so it is every 6 hrs not every 8 and then come back to see her in 2 wks.  I hope this gives it a boost cause it is not looking like much has changed in either the look or feel of it in a few weeks and if this stuff isn't doing any good....lets not just take it for the fun of it....time to reevaluate things

So here I sit half way thru my 2nd round ...still feeling really good and honestly if it wasn't for the battery pack and antibiotic bag or the PICC in my arm....I could totally forget I am sick and fighting the Troll again and infusing copious amts of chemo drugs.  I am hardly nauseated at all but really tired...Pooped or Puking...a serious...
 NO BRAINER!!

PICC PANIC...RIP Petunia

When it comes to chemo there are only a VERY few but VITALLY important things that make this entire experience livable...1) Anti-nausea meds...2) Support team of loving family & friends...3) The innumerable amount of PRAYERS by everyone (I feel every one of them)...4) Feeling the closeness of the Saviour...5) A FUNCTIONING PICC LINE!!!

For those of you who are unaware of this medical marvel, let me take a minute and give you the non-medically trained/"Readers' Digest" explanation...

What is a PICC & why? A PICC line (Peripherally Inserted Central Catheter) is a long hose looking thing that a specialized team of nurses in the PICC lab insert into a major vein in your upper arm. The purpose (my favorite) is to save you from all those gazillion pricks (NEEDLES!!!) for meds or blood work & to protect your other veins from the IV meds you are getting.  They use an ultrasound to locate a large enough vein that pumps directly into the heart and then we are off to the races.  They give you a bit of freezing at the site and then start to insert the guide into the vein a bit then ultrasound recheck the vein to see if it is holding up to the stretcher they have in your vein. If it all looks good they then continue thru the vein until they reach the spot by the heart that is needed so that the (in my case) chemo gets pumped in and out of the heart directly. The length of the line is determined by your height and usually goes into the right arm as this is the most direct route to the "perfect" location...mine is 45cm long. They have to use my left arm because of the cancer on my right which makes the path longer and more difficult because they need to go past the heart and then back to that position.  Once they have checked the ultrasound again they send you for a chest X-ray to be 100% sure it is in position.  And that my friends is a PICC.

I can not stress enough my undying affection for my Petunia (my PICC).  She has saved me from far too many pricks from blood work, IV medicine to contrast dyes for MRI & CT's.  She is a champ and has served me honourably right up until...she didn't!!  Last Tuesday (the one between chemo) Hero nurse was doing the routine "flush" to make sure we had back flow of blood just in case....it's a saline flush that just checks for blockages or in this case complete failure.  We tried everything from waving the arm around to a hot shower..but soon come to the realization that Petunia had in fact...dropped the ball and gone to PICC heaven...a nice peaceful end for her...KRAPTASTIC FOR ME!!!  Seriously the only saving grace was that it was my off chemo week so we had the flexibility to get a new one. Then I remembered that we have this WRETCHED antibiotic that still needs to run every 8 hrs (KRAP! KRAP! KRAP!!!) I am sure you are beginning to get the picture....I NOW NEED AN IV IN MY ARM!!!!   Sooooo far past my "happy place" there is no going back.  Hero nurse assured me that she was really good at IVs and I do trust her completely but I still had to deal with the anxiety and stress and panic that this IV was gonna cause me.  I have in the past shared my needle phobia in great detail so you can see my predicament.  Way beyond that fact....having an IV in causes such severe claustrophobia and it is a battle every single second to keep from yanking it out.  I have to have it covered but some moments that doesn't even help....it's a constant battle of wills.  Then add the fact I only have a couple veins left on my left arm that are good so I am very protective of them...and the hunt for any said vein ends up being a "fishing expedition"...or at least they try!!  UMMM...NOT! They get one clear shot and if they don't get in on the first poke....just back that sucker out and find a "vein whisperer" cause this old broad is a one shot pony...you miss and you lose, just walk away.  Now I could go on for hours but I will spare you my needle ranting except to say....HERO NURSE EARNED HER TITLE TODAY!!!  She got that sucker in on the top of my arm (new vein) without a hitch....to quote my big brother...

"slicker 'n snot on a door knob"

Soo..my Friday PICC team appt rolls around and they check again for back flow and realize that Petunia has in fact left the building. So they decide that my trashed arm could use a rest so pull out Petunia and promise they will have me booked in before the following Friday (chemo day) and have my new PICC in place.  Good thing we left that blasted IV in "just in case" cause now it is gonna have to stay for an entire week.  So now begins the inner constant whisper....

"DON'T PULL IT OUT...DON'T PULL IT OUT...DON'T PULL IT OUT...ETC

THE IN-BETWEEN...

As I was getting closer to my cancer 5th anniversary & was asked by a nurse in my doctor's office  how I had felt when I looked back at that first diagnosis.  I told her it was the most peaceful and calm period I could remember. Well...she looked at me with this shocked look like I had lost all my marbles and said  "You do know that makes NO sense, it's just plain crazy" "You Are just crazy...you know that..right?" 

Regardless of all that...it was my truth and just the way it was...and in some convoluted way...the one thing I am looking forward again this time.

As expected...I've started to slow down & spend some quiet time thinking.  It really is the only time allow myself the luxury to just sit, guilt free & let my mind be totally peaceful.  My normal brain, and I use that phrase broadly, never really shuts down...not only is there ALWAYS a song floating around during all conscious moments (sometimes crossing over in my dreams at night too) but I am always feeling guilty about all the things I am not getting done.  I have a MONSTER size expectations for myself so I suffer from the "To Do" list in my mind (and usually written down) being WAYYYYY longer then this old body has the chance of ever getting done in a single day.  I have even tried to just do the top "key" things and leave the rest for tomorrow....ya...that was an epic fail.  All it manages to do is make my next day list twice as long cause by then I have a entire new list already started in my head...so there is no way to ever recover from crushing defeat like that. You have to understand that all this guilt and list nonsense is totally a monster of my own making.  After all the years of illness we have had to deal almost daily, VoR understands and accepts me and my on again off again limitations, much better then I do.  He gets that all hours of each day are definitely NOT created equal, and that it truly is a krap shoot as to how well I am gonna feel on any part of any given day...I, on the other hand, have a hard time grasping the concept that I just can't do it all...when I want, what I want.  Sometimes thinking and believing are just not part of reality and I am obviously a VERY slow learner.

 I am grateful that I am forced to allow myself the chance to sit and just breath. I find I question why everyone is in such a hurry and not present in the moments that are so precious and numbered.  Is all that stuff really important?  Is it vital in the "big picture"? What eternal worth does it have for me? What's important, is what kind of mark we leave on all those around us...how we treated, loved, served & shared a part of who we are with them.

I find myself pulled back from a lot of the usual "stuff" that distracts and stresses me. I spend time watching and feeling, noticing all that goes on around me, to simply reflect on the path I am walking and take the time to really see what changes and corrections I need/want to make now and when this is all over.  No one stands still, so it is definitely a time for me me to see just how much drifting my life has done since the last time I took a minute to check myself.  I love this part of the journey for me...it has become such a precious time for me.  I so profoundly feel the comfort, peace & love of the Saviour encircling me in every waking moment.  I know He is always there offering the same support to me...I just get too busy to notice and that is the biggest tragedy  

CHEMO #2

Well...that was a shocker!!  Not only was I NOT nauseated with the last cocktail...but I feel better in these last 7 days then I have in the last 2 months.  VoR & I were talking and came up with a theory...maybe I don't feel as good as I usually do but this is soooo much better, that I just think I feel as good as I do and if you compared it to my real normal....I am not really feeling all that good. Are you confused yet???  Re-read it...you will get what I am trying to say. ;)

What ever the reason...I have gotten a ton of the "little krap" done that really serves no purpose other then to make the stay, in my new "livingroom/office/ bedroom more comfortable.  I have had a chance to put everything exactly where I want it and gathered all the stuff from upstairs, in my real office & bedroom, so that when this chemo business really kicks in I won't have to climb the stairs to get it.  I don't remember a lot & it's probably a good thing that I can't remember just how yucky it was.  It's kinda like labor...between babies...it was a beautiful experience...once your pregnant, it comes rushing back in a flood of emotions, weight gain & pain...lots of pain (remember that needle phobia...ya, no epidural..BIG NEEDLE). Seriously...how nuts is that??  I went thru all 3 labors with no pain meds, just to avoid any needles.  At the time it made sense but looking back..what the heck!?!? One good thing came of that...well, 3 actually, but besides them...I was privileged to be a birth coach for a few amazing women & together we had some really cool labor experiences along with some really cute babies....Thanks ladies for allowing me to be part of your journey.

Somehow I seemed to spend a lot of time on the phone & online too..who knew there were so many details to get done.  Between postponing doctors appointments and cancelling VaCa (vacation) reservations & booking flights for the Empress of Awesomeness & Random Wisdom to come home to visit, I spent a butt load of time on the phone. I think the first thought thru my mind when the oncologist said we needed to start chemo was the "KRAP, that means we don't get to go away in October" It's funny really, but we just love getting away and exploring New England & it's magnificent coast. This time we were headed to New Hampshire to just see the beautiful Fall leaves...there is always next year...sigh!!!  On the other hand, I am soooo EXCITED that the GIRLS ARE COMING HOME!!!!  It is so great to be together with the kids, even just one family at a time. You can just imagine the silliness that is a constant when we are all together...which BTW...isn't near often enough (again I just can't say it enough...feeling really good). I was just as excited when Pragmatically Speaking was home...then this infection exploded on to the scene.  Even so...I was so glad to see him (even if the first couple of days are a bit hazy) and to have him here so he could be here for VoR. He was a great distraction & a reason so that VoR wouldn't sit in my room and worry. So within a couple of months they have all been home. I'm not really thrilled at the reason, but we'll take the positive and be grateful. When it's all said and done what I have mostly been doing this week is all those little irritating jobs and calls that VoR just hates to deal with...so if I can help him out just a smudge, that works for me, big time

This little reprieve from being so sick has done wonders for my feeling of well being and control. I don't think I can put into words just how HUGE this blessing has been to me but it sure qualifies as a Tender Mercy. I don't know how I would have dealt with these next 18 wks (end of November) feeling as awful as I did. My heart so goes out to all those that live with that reality with every single day...they are the strongest people I know.

**HERE WE GO AGAIN**...

Here I sit at 9am waiting for what is bound to be, WAY LESS A TON OF FUN, the beginning of Chemo for the second time in 5 yrs.  It's really surreal to be sitting here again surrounded by, for the most part, the same nurses...going over the same "pre-chemo" info and checks.  They were about as excited to see me again as I was to see them...for real!! Lots of "sorry" faces & "we remember you...we are going to watch you close cause you never want to bother us...not this time"....they are a great bunch of nurses trying to make, what we all know is gonna suck big time, a little more human and about you. 

I didn't think I was nervous...you know the "been there, done that" vibe but I spent my night waking up about every 15 minute  and only sleeping for about an hour or two total. I finally had enough and got up at 5:30am with VoR as he was heading out to the gym for another session with BaM his trainer..Now, don't go all whacky pants thinking he is trying to "regain his youth" or some mid-life crisis...it is all about just getting health....but I can sure appreciate those new/old arms, which I might add are nothing to sneeze at...(Wow...there is an old phrase on my mom's that hasn't surfaced in years).  Such dedication he has, either a session with BaM or swimming laps (about 1400 meters) so either way, his day starts REALLY EARLY.  I used to be the "sleep 27hr/day" (yes...I know there are only 24)...no amount of sleep was enough or too much...sigh. Those day are LONG gone and I usually get about 4hrs, 5 if I am really lucky. I'm still a night owl, so up late...now up early....the quintessential Night Owl burning the candle at both ends hot enough to take start a fire....but I once again digress, which, it seems, is beginning to be a habit.

I know that this is just the beginning cause when my oncologist warned, "you're not gonna like me much".  On the upside this particular cocktail shouldn't be as nauseating as the last ones.  If I am gonna get sick it will show itself between 12-24 hrs and only last a couple of days and only with the first chemo of each cycle...so only 5 more treatments to worry about...sadly, we know, with me, nothing ever goes as they expect (2%)...look at the last 2 months....not really a stellar record to fall back on.  BUT (and yes it is a big one) instead of the the one shot to boost my white blood cells like last time, because of this lousy infection, she has decided that the best plan is the one that involves...HOLD THE PHONE...13 SHOTS OVER 21 DAYS!!!! That same 13 shots are repeated after chemo for each and every cycle...ummm WHAT?!?!?!?!  You are more then welcome to do the math, but for this SERIOUS needle phoeb...the first one was too many. All I know is that as I set up my "chemo calendar" (just to keep everything together in one spot for easy reference) there were an enormous amount of little green "shot dots" over the next 3 months.  I know that this needle thing is totally irrational but I just can't help it.  I can't have an IV in my arm without really fighting the urge to pull it out...I'm okay if I can't see it, so we cover it up with gauze anytime I have one. Not only that...I cringe even just seeing one...live, on TV, in a movie... does NOT matter...makes every muscle in my body fire and throws my stomach right into my throat.  Trust me I'm not some weak sauce, I love the next action movie as much as the next guy and doesn't bother me at all...they pull out a single syringe and I lose it. Like I said, I know it is totally irrational and soooo dumb but, it's just the way I'm wired...but before you ask, PICC lines don't bother me at all...even weirder right???  I guess maybe it's because you never see a needle associated with getting one and somewhere in my silliness, I realize it will save me from a plethora of future needles. Whatever the reason, after all the antibiotics, blood work, ER trips and hospital stays, I am VERY thankful for Petunia...my ever faithful PICC line and our ongoing "attachment"

So when it comes right down to it I have very low expectations...it WILL suck at some point, but my optimism & outlook are equally high.  Only time will tell and whatever the journey, I am again soooo thankful for these last 7 days of feeling really good after 58 days of not.

PRE-CHEMO....again

After getting mostly thru the infection mess...I met with my Oncologist & lets just leave it at she was NOT happy to see me back!!! Over the course of treatment the last time we developed a unique & perfect for me relationship.  Now I understand that she probably has this same sort great thing with other patients...but sometimes it's nice to think it's just me.  To be fair...she is in a heavy specialty but it is really great now that the "all business" slips off and we talk like humans who care about each other as people. Trust me there are too many of them, sometimes voluntarily, trapped in that "I am the Doctor" "show no emotion....it's a case not a person"...WAY too seriously.  I have been very blessed to have my primary care team (in and out of cancer) not like that at all....we are people caring about each other.  For that reason alone...well, at the top of the list, that I will always call this beautiful city home.  With ALL my medical specialties in place...you just don't walk away from that and have to start all over. Anyway....let me just say...she ROCKS!!! 

After all this summer has thrown at me, the idea of maybe being pukey sick & bald doesn't really sound like a fun way to end my summer...DON'T GET ME WRONG...like this EVER does...but less now after already bring bruised and battered and not behind me yet.  I know though, that I am closely watched from above & all I ever need to do if it ever gets overwhelming is to call out and my Saviour is right there holding me even tighter, reassuring me that we got this & together we are unstoppable.  The most amazing thing to me is how blessed I am even further by my hero & Rock...VoR!!! I could not put one foot in front of the other if not for him & his undying love & support.  He is the most selfless & generous man with whatever I need...emotionally, spiritually and physically (let's be honest the house isn't cleaning itself right now). He reminds me that we both signed up for "this"...in sickness & health business...even not knowing all those decades ago what exactly "this" was gonna be...but always knowing we had each other's backs forever. He works tirelessly to make my life easier in every aspect so I really feel most days that FOR ME...it's a pretty Mary Poppins life I live and it all is thanks to him.  I can go about my life without much pressure, except for what I put on myself...working on projects that I love & that move me.  He really is a Saint 'cause trust me....there a more then a few days a year that I am much closer to "Wella the Witch" then Etta May...mostly caused by my myself & nothing to do with him....just got to be honest.  Seriously ladies....he IRONS HIS OWN SHIRTS...crazy talk I know....but that's not all he does. If he sees something he can jump in and do for me he just does....like laundry most Saturday's for as long as I can remember...WHAT!?!?!?  Again to be truthful...I think it all started so he could justify, to himself, the amount of time he really wanted to watch some sports game or other. I didn't have a problem with him just "chillaxing" watching tv but he, the man that always has to be accomplishing some thing...just couldn't do it.  Another HUGE blessing in my life, with years of illness, was watching him jump to basically raise 3 small children (great ones might I add) who have grown into AMAZING adults & even better parents. He makes my life so much easier, fuller, more focused, joyful, funny & Christ centered.  For that and a TON more reasons...I can not tell you just how much I love this man!!! 

 HE IS MY HEART!!! 

xoxo 

Hospital Stay #2....dang drain!!!

The Demise of the DRAIN...FINALLY...

Before they got me up to my room the Cardiology resident came in to see me...for the record he will be an amazing doctor!!!  He came in and said they were 99.7% sure what my heart problem was all about.  He asked me some interesting and random questions then told me there was a mild medication I could start on but that we could work all the way up to an "up thru your vein" procedure (ablation) if it got that bad.  In my head I am thinking....another risk of infection....not if I can help it so the medication sounded really good to me.  He wanted to consult with his boss and would be back.  He came back an hour later with his boss who told me the same thing but just to be on the safe side...considering all the krap I was already dealing with they wanted to go one step higher to their boss...so they would be back in a while.  I got moved up to my room and sadly it was kind of like "old home week" cause everyone remembered me and kept coming in to say "HI"....they are such a great bunch of nurses and housekeeping staff.  ID (infectious disease) came and checked in on my swelling and Physio came in to say HI and then Cardio came back....with the "BIG/BUCK STOPS HERE" Heart Institute doctor.  He just cracked me up soooo bad.....he is sooooo my kind of doctor.  He starts by saying it was NOT a heart attack that in fact, my heart is beautiful and in excellent condition & that this event from last night, though a pain in the butt & freaky for everyone around me, would actually do no harm. I was just born with an extra circuit in my heart that randomly fires and throws my heart out of rhythm.  He said it is sooo rare to actually catch one of these that they were ecstatic I had 3hrs worth of data for them, which also meant the diagnosis was really easy.  It would not trigger a heart attack or a stroke or even make me pass out  and it would do no damage to my heart...it literally was just gonna be a pain in the butt to deal with.  He said that the fact that I had been having mini (seconds long) episodes my whole life...if it was him, he would have the ablation and be done with them.  He said Cardiologist are "general contractors" the "electricians" do the ablations so after all this infection stuff was done he would refer me off to them.  I told my big sister about it and unbeknownst to me...my niece has the exact same condition and has already done her ablation...so talking to her made me feel a WHOLE lot better!!!  Thanks Miss J....you inspire me!!! So all in all...a very fortuitous time for my drain to not work so I was at the hospital....there are no coincidences in my book...this is the 2nd time in 50+ days that if one thing hadn't been done we wouldn't have found the other more important issue.  It becomes more evident to me every single day that WE DO NOT RUN THIS SHOW!!!  The Lord very carefully watches over us and moves us in and out of things that in the end, are for our own growth and learning.....all according to His plan....but the guardian angels (cause it would take more then one for sure) must be getting just pooped by now!!!  LOL!!!

Now back to the blasted drain.....it never really worked.  Before I left the hospital they did another ultrasound to check its location in the abscess and discovered that the majority of fluid was gone but that it was so tangled with cob webbed/ honeycombed little pockets that a drain would have a hard time actually being effective anyway.  I did discover a new spot where it had come thru my chest wall cause it couldn't drain but it has closed itself back up soon after I went home.  3 days later I had a follow up with my surgeon and she just took it out.   Here we are a week later and  it still leaks a bit but is managed by a small dressing.  My lymphatic massage therapist is stopping by tonight to  do some manual draining...I cam hardly wait!!!  I feel soooo much better just having the drain gone...it is way better on my psyche after all we were hooked at the chest for 5 weeks!!!!  Now it is just me and Petunia PICC and as it turns out we are gonna be LONG TIME friends by the time this is all over.

I think I have successfully gotten you all caught up in what will be THE Summer to remember....or forget.  Thank heaven for great medical care and some fantastic doctors and equally awesome nurses that have tried to make this as easy as possible for me.....

Miss M...you are my HERO...

I can never thank you enough for all you have done & continue to do for me...

YOU TRULY ROCK!!!

The Tricky Ticker...

 And the Drain saga continues...SADLY!!!

As the evening went on....still no drainage....not good!!  I was getting sorer and sorer and more swollen with still minimal (if any) drainage happening...so I called a friend, who is a doctor, to have him come and just check that all the locks and stops in all this mass of tubing we all open and theoretically ready to do their job.  He gave me the "ok" but told me if I got really uncomfortable with all the swelling then maybe another ER visit would be the best but it was totally up to me to judge.  Honestly I was beginning to feel kinda lousy but still couldn't decide.  ER visits are my biggest indecisive hurdle...I will go back and forth and still never decide....if I was in big trouble I would probably still debate with myself till I talked myself out of it.  It is just such a long wait and if you don't look as bad as you feel then you keep sitting in limbo & sadly (after yrs of debilitating migraine headaches) I can put on a real "Oscar" performance & downplay just how bad I feel.  If your pleasant and cordial the medical staff don't think you can be feeling that bad.....if they only knew.  I digress....anyway after spending the evening with a dear friend, Miss M, I was still humming and hawing about what to do but in the end, the fact that my doctor friend had said maybe I should go....I blamed him and said okay BUT...if they couldn't do anything about this drain tonight...I was so coming back home quickly.

I geared myself up to look as bad as I was feeling...to which Miss M told me I was looking totally krappy anyway so I would be good.  We get thru triage really quickly and it's only a couple hr wait so I'm feeling pretty good about it.  The first nurse we see it my nurse from the Sunday night ER trip so she knew about all this craziness of the last 50+ days so she gets me moved up the line to be seen asap and gets me some pain meds.  10 minutes later my heart just starts pounding hard enough that you could actually see my shirt move with it.  Over the next 10 minutes I started feeling warm & nauseated...even my scalp started pounding making my eyes bounce when I shut them.  Miss M goes and tells the nurse and she comes over a few minutes later to take my vitals....which startled them....I of course just thought my heart was pounding hard.  My mistake....my heart rate was 206 and my BP 198/1?? crazy high 100's number.  Suffice it to say...I really need to get way more "edumacted" about my BP numbers.  I know my resting heart rate but no clue as to what those 2 numbers mean.  WELL...the nurse came back with a wheelchair and whipped me into the "Emergent" part of the ER in the big curtained room right in front of their nurse station and the room was instantly filled with people hooking monitors up and taking blood and extended ECG strips to see what was going on.  They tried all sorts of tricks to get my heart to back into normal rhythm and finally gave 3 injections and nothing worked....it went on for about 3 hrs before it just did this little flip thing and went back to normal.  My BP took a few more hours to really settle back (and acted up the next day again). They paged Cardiology who didn't think it was critical to be seen at 4am so they would check on me in the morning.  They eventually moved me out of that section while I waited for my bed on the surgical floor.  OH YA...they thought it might have been caused by the back flow in my chest abscess from the "new" drain still NOT working.  They tried repeatedly to get it to do something and finally decide to surgically replace it in the morning....again...